Signs you bought a bad Christmas tree

Its two feet tall, forty feet wide
Salesmans opening line: Youre not a cop, are you?
It looks suspiciously like a broom handle with a lot of coat hangers stuck into it
While you sleep, it gets liquored up and takes the family caravan for a joy ride
Each branch has Duraflame printed on it
It keeps heckling while you try to do a lame top ten list
Its very small and says Air Freshener on it
Rabbis have better Christmas trees than yours
Some guy named Akbar puts a cheap Statue of Liberty on top of it

and number one reason, you bought a bad Christmas tree:

Its constantly bragging about its trunk size

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