19
Sep

Snow Blind (some profanity)

This comes by way of a died in the wool New Yorker that I sometimes work with. Written by her mom, I think, but there are similar diaries floating around. Picture someone moving from the sun belt to the snow belt…

December 8:

6:00 p.m. and it has started to snow. The first of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat by the window watching the soft flakes drift down all over the area. It was beautiful.
December 9:

We awoke to a big blanket of crystal white snow covering the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Every tree and shrub was covered by a beautiful mantle. I shoveled snow for the first time in years and loved it. I did both the driveway and sidewalks. Later, a snow plow came through and covered our sidewalk with compacted snow from the street, so I shoveled it again.
December 12:

The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Oh well, Im sure we will get some more before the winter is through.
December 14:

It snowed inches last night and the temperature dropped to 20 below zero. Shoveled the driveway and sidewalks again and the snow plow came by and did its trick again.
December 15:

Sold my van and bought a 4×4 Blazer so I can drive in the snow. Bought my wife snow tires for her car.
December 16:

Fell on my ass on the ice in the driveway. All that was hurt was my feelings.
December 17:

Still cold (below zero in the AM) and the icy roads make for very tough driving.
December 20:

Had another 14 inches of the white shit last night. More shoveling in store for me today. The God Damn snow plow came by twice.
December 22:

We are assured of a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the shit fell today and with this freezing fucking weather, it wont melt til August. Got all dressed up to go out and shovel (boots, jumpsuit, heavy jacket, scarf, earmuffs, gloves, etc.) and then I got the urge to piss.
December 23:

I was going to go ice fishing today, but the fucking worms froze and I didnt want the fish to break their teeth on my fucking bait.
December 24:

If I ever catch the son-of-a-bitch that drives that fucking plow, Ill drag him through the snow by his balls. I think he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then comes down the street at 100 miles an hour throwing the shit all over what used to be my lawn.
December 25:

Merry Christmas! They predict 20 more fucking inches of the white bullshit. I wonder if they know just how many fucking shovels full of snow 20 inches is? Assholes! Fuck Santa, he doesnt have to bust his balls shoveling shit. The snow plow driver came by and asked for a donation. I rapped him upside his fucking head with the snow shovel!
December 26:

Guess who the fuck got 28 plus more inches last night? I must be going snow blind or getting cabin fever, because the wife is starting to look real good to me!
December 27:

Cock sucking toilet froze. If you go outside, dont eat the brown snow.
December 28:

I set fire to the fucking house. Now, I want to see the white shit cling to the roof!!!

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