Save the trees … Wipe your butt with an owl.

Seen on the back of a bikers vest: If you can read this, my wife fell off.

Please tell your pants its not polite to point.

A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the ass.

Never raise your hands to your kids; it leaves your groin unprotected.

GUYS: No shirt, no service. GALS: No shirt, no charge.

If walking is so good for you, then why does my mailman look like Jabba the Hut??

Impotence: Natures way of saying No hard feelings

Heart Attacks … Gods Revenge For Eating His Animal Friends

We have enough youth, how about a fountain of smart?

Dont be sexist – broads hate that!

Eat Well, Stay Fit, Die Anyway

Hes not dead, Hes electroencephalographically challenged

If at first you dont succeed, skydiving is not for you

If you lived in your car, youd be home by now

WARNING! Driver only carries $20.00 in ammunition