Some cards you will NEVER see from Hallmark

Congratulations on your wedding day ! Too bad no one likes your Wife. How could two people as beautiful as you have such an ugly baby? Ive always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. After
having met you, Ive changed my mind. I must admit, you brought Religion into my life. I never believed in
Hell til I met you. As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am that youre not here to
ruin it for me. If I get only one thing for Christmas, I hope its your sister. As you grow older, Mum, I think of all the gifts youve given me.
Like the need for therapy… Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go, would you like to
take this knife out of my back. Youll probably need it again. Someday I hope to get married, but not to you. Happy Birthday ! You look great for your age…… Almost Lifelike! When we were together, you always said youd die for me. Now that
weve broken up, I think its time you kept your promise.I knew the day would come when you would leave me for my best friend.
So heres his leash, water bowl and chew toys. Im so miserable without you, its almost like youre here. Congratulations on your new bundle of joy. Did you ever find out who
the father was? Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday– so
were having you put to sleep. Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad! ( available only in Kentucky ) Sis, arent we proud of our baby? ( available only in Arkansas )

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