16
Jun

Subtly sexual, 1996, U.S. policy on child-bearing

[Ed: Well, pretty contrived, but… ]

The year is 1996. By this time, the American Governments policy of
Social Welfare has been extended to require that any married couple who
has not had a child within the first five years of marriage, must
receive the services of a government man who will attempt to be the means
of the wife becoming a mother.

There are no children in the family of this particular story: much to the
sorrow of the husband, and it is the morning of their fifth wedding
anniversary.

Husband – Well, goodbye, dear, Im off to the office. I suppose the
government man will be here shortly, computer-printed address and all.

He leaves with his head bowed. The wife pretties herself and powders her
nose just as the doorbell rings. She is expecting the government man, but
instead her caller is a baby photographer who has come to see if he could
interest her in some baby pictures. The following conversation ensues:

Lady: Oh, Good Morning.

Man: How do you do? You probably dont know me, but I represent—-

Lady: You neednt explain, Mr.—-

Man: Jones is the name, Madame, and I make a specialty of—-

Lady: Yes, of course, I know. Its all right. Wont you come in?

Man: Your husband probably told you that—-

Lady: Oh, yes, and we both agreed that it is the best thing to do.

Man: Well, in that case I might as well get busy.

Lady: Im not too familiar with the way you do this. Just where do we start?

Man: Just leave it to me, Madame. I recommend two in the bathtub, one or
two more on the couch, and a couple on the floor.

Lady: Bathtub? Couch? Floor? Good heavens.

Man: Well, my dear lady, even the best of us cant get a good one
every time, but out of six, one is bound to be a honey. I usually
have the best luck with the bathtub shots.

Lady: Youll have to forgive me, but it does seem a little informal.

Man: The charm of the whole thing is the informality. Perhaps you
would like to see some of my work?

Lady: Well, I suppose so —-, after all, there is no hurry, is there?

Man: No, indeed, a man in my line cant do his best work in a hurry.
(He opens his album and shows her.) Look at this baby. Its a good
job. Took four hours, but isnt it a beauty?

Lady: Yes, indeed a lovely child.

Man: But for a tough assignment, look at this job. Believe it or not,
it was done on top of a bus on Fifth Avenue.

Lady: My God.

Man: Well, there a little story behind that. The mother of the child was
a movie actress in need of a little publicity, and did she get it.

Lady: I should think so.

Man: Here is the picture of the handsomest of twins in town. I knocked
that out in Central Park on a snowy afternoon last winter. It took
me from two in the afternoon til five. I never worked under more
difficult conditions, with people four or five deep, crowding to
take a look.

Lady: Four or five deep?

Man: Yes people everywhere. Just imagine working more than three hours
under handicaps like that. I even had two cops helping me. I could
have gotten anther quick shot or two before dark, but by that time
the squirrels were nibbling on my equipment and I had to give up. Well,
Madame, if you are ready, Ill set up my tripod and well get started.

Lady: Your tripod?

Man: Yes, I always use a tripod to rest my equipment on, as its too heavy
for me to hold for any length of time, and – Good heavens, she
fainted………

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