My favorite mail today was a long, white business envelope marked Personal in red, addressed to Resident.

Putting the Ten Commandments in public schools would be great, if the kids in public schools could just read.

Putting the Ten Commandments in schools will stop violence just like Just Say No stopped drug use.

Wouldnt it be nice to have a self-cleaning refrigerator? We have the next best thing in our house; two teen age boys!

In 10 years there will be radio stations playing classic rap?

My dog wants to know who was the person of questionable intelligence who determined humans would eat three times a day while a dog would only eat once.

Was the weather as bad and as frightening before the invention of Doppler radar?

If love isnt a game, why are there so many players?

To all the critics of the Phantom Menace: You have just turned to the dark side of the Force. Guess what? It IS supposed to be a kids movie. Get a life!

We have a local radio that believes a better variety of todays hit music is the same three songs over and over again.

As a woman, I married a man with the same qualities as my father – just like psychologists said I would. However, my next husband is going to be just like my MOM!

I used to think I could pass gas silently until I got my hearing aid.

Seen on a bumper sticker: I suffer from CHILDREN, a sexually transmitted disease.