09
Jun

Tech Support (Classic)

Hello. Tech Support; may I help you?

Yes, well, Im having trouble with WordPerfect.



What sort of trouble?

Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.



Went away?

They disappeared.



Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?

Nothing.



Nothing?

Its blank; it wont accept anything when I type.



Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?

How do I tell?



[Uh-oh. Well, lets give it a try anyway.]

Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?

Whats a sea-prompt?



[Uh-huh, thought so. Lets try a different tack.]

Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?

There isnt any cursor: I told you, it wont accept anything I type.



[Ah–at least s/he knows what a cursor is. Sounds like a hardware problem. I wonder if s/hes kicked out his/her monitors power plug?]



Does your monitor have a power indicator?

Whats a monitor?



Its the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when its on?

I dont know.



Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?

[sound of rustling and jostling] [muffled] Yes, I think so.



Great! Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if its plugged into the wall.

[pause] Yes, it is.



[Hmm. Well, thats interesting. I doubt s/he would have accidentally turned it off, and I dont want to send him/her hunting for the power switch because I dont know what kind of monitor s/he has and its bound to have more than one switch on it. Maybe the video cable is loose or something.] When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?



No.



Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.

[muffled] Okay, here it is.



Follow it for me, and tell me if its plugged securely into the back of your computer.

[still muffled] I cant reach.



Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?

[clear again] No.



Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?

Oh, its not because I dont have the right angle–its because its dark.



Dark?

Yes–the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.



Well, turn on the office light then.

I cant.



No? Why not?

Because theres a power outage.



A power–!?! …[AAAAAAARGH!]A power outage? Aha! Okay, weve got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?

Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.



Good! Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.



Really? Is it that bad?

Yes, Im afraid it is.



Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?



Tell them youre TOO STUPID TO OWN A COMPUTER!

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