New telephone answering system at County Mental Health: (possibly off to mental health professionals and clients)

ring, ring …

Hello, you have reached the automated operator for County Mental Health.

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1, repeatedly.

If you are codependent, ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personality disorder, press 3,4,5,& 6.

If you are schizophrenic, listen closely and a little voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are suffering from depression, hang up – it wouldnt have done any good anyway.

Thank you for calling, please make your selection now.