31
Dec

Temperatures

Temperatures

60 degrees – Californians put their sweaters on. 50 degrees – Miami residents turn on the heat. 45 degrees – Vermont residents go to outdoor concert. 40 degrees – You can see your breath, Californians shiver uncontrollably, Minnesotans go swimming. 35 degrees – Italians cars dont start. 32 degrees – Water freezes. 30 degrees – You plan your vacation in Australia. 25 degrees – Ohio water freezes, Californians weep pitiably, Minnesotans eat ice cream, Canadians go swimming. 20 degrees – Politicians begin to talk about the homeless, New York City water freezes, Miami residents plan vacation farther south. 15 degrees – French cars dont start, cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you. 10 degrees – You need jumper cables to get the car going. 5 degrees – American cars dont start. 0 degrees – Alaskans put on T-shirts. -10 degrees – German cars dont start, eyes freeze shut when you step outside. -15 degrees – You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo, Arkansans stick tongue on metal objects, Miami residents cease to exist. -20 degrees – Cat insists on sleeping in pajamas with you, politicians actually do something about the homeless, Minnesotans shovel snow off roof, Japanese cars dont start. -25 degrees – Too cold to think, you need jumper cables to get the driver going. -30 degrees – You plan a two week hot bath, Swedish cars dont start. -40 degrees – Californians disappear, Minnesotans button top button, Canadians put on sweater, your car helps you plan your trip South. -50 degrees – Congressional hot air freezes, Alaskans close the bathroom window. -80 degrees – Polar bears move south, Green Bay Packer (and Buffalo Bills) fans order hot cocoa at the game. -90 degrees – Lawyers put their hands in their own pockets. -100 degrees – Hell freezes over, Clinton finally tells all. Kenneth Starr moves in with Monica. Alaskans button top button. Santa moves operations to Panama.

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