The 5 toughest questions that women ask men, and the answers…

The questions are:

1.

What are you thinking about?

2.

Do you love me?

3.

Do I look fat?

4.

Do you think she is prettier than me?

5.

What would you do if I died?

What makes these questions so difficult is that every one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly (i.e., tells the truth). Therefore, as a public service, each question is analyzed below, along with possible responses.

Question # 1: What are you thinking about? The proper answer to this, of course, is: Im sorry if Ive been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to have met you. This response obviously bears no resemblance to the true answer, which most likely is one of the following: a. Baseball. b. Football. c. How fat you are. d. How much prettier she is than you. e. How I would spend the insurance money if you died. (Perhaps the best response to this question was offered by Al Bundy, who once told Peg, If I wanted you to know what I was thinking, I would be talking to you!)

Question # 2: Do you love me? The proper response is: YES! or, if you feel a more detailed answer is in order, Yes, dear. Inappropriate responses include: A. I suppose so. B. Would it make you feel better if I said yes? C. That depends on what you mean by love. D. Does it matter? E. Who, me?

Question # 3: Do I look fat? The correct answer is an emphatic: Of course not! Among the incorrect answers are: A. Compared to what? B. I wouldnt call you fat, but youre not exactly thin. C. A little extra weight looks good on you. D. Ive seen fatter. E. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.

Question # 4: Do you think shes prettier than me? Once again, the proper response is an emphatic: Of course not! Incorrect responses include: A. Yes, but you have a better personality b. Not prettier, but definitely thinner c. Not as pretty as you when you were her age d. Define pretty e. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.

Question# 5: What would you do if I died? A definite no-win question. (The real answer, or course, is Buy a Corvette.) No matter how you answer this, be prepared for at least an hour of follow-up questions, usually along the these lines:

Woman: Would you get married again? Man: Definitely not! W: Why not, dont you like being married? M: Of course I do. W: Then why wouldnt you remarry? M: Okay, Id get married again. W: You would? (with a hurtful look on her face) M: Yes, I would. W: Would you sleep with her in our bed? M: Where else would we sleep? W: Would you put away my pictures, and replace them with pictures of her? M: That would seem like the proper thing to do. W: And would you let her use my golf clubs? M: Of course not, Dear. Shes left-handed.