The 9 types of boyfriends

Joe Sensitive – After I wash the dishes, lets cuddle, okay?

Also Known As: Mr. Nice Guy, Family Man, Honey, Darling, Snugglepup

Advantages: Well-behaved; irons own shirts

Disadvantages: Irritatingly compassionate, wimpy

Old Man Grumpus – People are stupid. The world can go to hell. Lets stay home and watch TV.

Also Known As: Grumbles, Sour-Puss, Stick-in-the-Mud, Old Fogey, Jerk

Advantages: Stays put; predictable

Disadvantages: Pain in the butt

Flinchy – I–Im sorry for whatever it was I did.

Also Known As: Trembly, Creampuff, Hey you

Advantages: Jumps entertainingly when startled

Disadvantages: Easily spooked; surrenders without a struggle

Bigfoot – Shut yer trap, Im thinkin.

Also Known As: Lummox, Ignoramus, Galoot, The Hulk

Advantages: Can tote bales; is easily fooled

Disadvantages: Can break you in half, sweats like a pig

Lazybones – Zzzzzz

Also Known As: Lucky Dog, Parasite, Hobo, Bum, Sleepyhead

Advantages: Well rested; easy target

Disadvantages: Unlikely to fulfill your dreams

The Sneak – Who, me?

Also Known As: Love Pirate, Snake, Rat, Slime, SOB

Advantages: May feel pangs of guilt

Disadvantages: May be having time of his life

Ace of Hearts – After I wash the dishes lets make love like crazed weasels.

Also Known As: The Sizzler, Handyman, Dreamboat, Casanova

Advantages: Perpetually aroused

Disadvantages: Perpetually aroused

The Dreamer – Someday Im going to be rich and famous. I dont know how, but …

Also Known As: Struggling Artist, Philosopher, Story Teller, Fool

Advantages: Tells good stories

Disadvantages: Will turn into Old Man Grumpus

Mr. Right – While the servants wash the dishes, lets make love like crazed weasels in my new yacht.

Also Known As: Mr. Perfect, Jim Dandy

Advantages: Answer to a womans prayer

Disadvantages: Hunted to extinction

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