15
Jan

The Bachelor Diet

Monday:
Breakfast – Who can eat Breakfast on a Monday? Swallow some toothpaste
while brushing your teeth.
Lunch – Send your secretary out for six "gutbombers", those
little hamburgers that used to cost a dime but now cost sixty five cents.
Also order French fries, a bowl of chilli, a soft drink and have her stop
on the way back for a family size bottle of Maalox.
Afternoon Snack – Drink the Maalox.
Dinner – Six pack of beer and Kentucky fried chicken three-piece Dinner,
dont eat the coleslaw.

Tuesday:
Breakfast – Eat the coleslaw.
Lunch – Go to the office vending machine and put ninety five cents in
and close your eyes, push a button and eat whatever comes out swallowing
it whole to prevent nausea.
Dinner – Four tacos and a pitcher of Sangria at El Flashos.

Wednesday:
Breakfast – Jaws couldnt eat Breakfast after a night at El Flashos.

Lunch – Rolaids and a coke
Dinner – Drop in at a married friends house and beg for scraps.

Thursday:
Breakfast – Order out for pizza
Lunch – Your secretary is out sick, check Mondays gutbomber sack for
leftovers.
Dinner – Go to a bar and drink yourself silly, when you get hungry ask
the bartender for olives.

Friday:
Breakfast – Eggs, sausage, and an English muffin at McDonalds. Eat the
Styrofoam plate and leave the food. It tastes better and its better for
you.
Lunch – Skip Lunch… Fridays are murder
Dinner – Steak, well-done, baked potato, and asparagus. Dont eat the
asparagus, nobody really likes asparagus.

Saturday:
Breakfast – Sleep through it.
Lunch – Ditto
Dinner – Steak, Well done, baked potato, and brussel sprouts. Dont eat
the Brussel Sprouts. Take them home and plant them in a hanging basket.

Sunday
Breakfast – Three Bloody Marys and half a Twinkie.
Lunch – Eat Lunch? Waste a good buzz? Dont eat Lunch.
Dinner – Chicken noodle soup – Call your mom and ask her about renting
your old room.

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