The Five Levels Of Drinking

The 5 Levels of Drinking

Level 1:

Its 11:00 on a weeknight, youve had a few beers. You get up to leave because you have

work the next day and one of your friends buys another round. One of your unemployed

friends. Here at level I you think to yourself, Oh come on, this is silly. Why, as long as I

get seven hours of sleep (snap fingers), Im cool.

Level 2:

Its midnight. Youve had a few more beers. Youve just spent 20 minutes arguing against

artificial tuff. You get up to leave again, but at level

2, a little devil appears on your shoulder. And now youre thinking, Hey! Im out with

my friends! What am I working for anyway? These are the good times! Besides, as long

as I get five hours sleep (snaps fingers), Im


Level 3:

One in the morning. Youve abandoned beer for tequila. Youve just spent 20 minutes

arguing for artificial tuff. And now youre thinking, Our waitress is the most beautiful

woman Ive ever seen! At level 3, you love the world. On the way to the bathroom you

buy a drink for the stranger at the end of the bar just because you like his face. You get

drinking fantasies (like, Hey fellas, if we bought our own bar, we could live together

forever. We could do it. Tommy, you could cook.) But at level 3, that devil is a little bit

bigger.., and hes buying. And youre thinking

Oh, come on, come on now. As long as I get three hours sleep.., and a complete change

of blood (snaps fingers), Im cool.

Level 4:

Two in the morning. And the devil is bartending. For last call, you ordered a bottle of

rum and a Coke. You are artificial tutti. This time on your way to the bathroom, you

punch the stranger at the end of the bar just because you dont like his face! And now

youre thinking, Our busboy is the best looking man Ive ever seen. You and your

friends decide to leave, right after you get thrown out, and one of you knows an at, er

hours bar. And here, at level 4, you actually think to yourself, Well …. as long as Im

only going to get a few hours sleep anyway, I may as well …. stay up all night!!!! Yeah!

Thatd be good for me. I dont mind going to that board meeting looking like Keith

Richards. Yeah, Ill turn that around, make it work for me. And besides, as long as I get

31 hours sleep tomorrow ………………. cool.

Level 5:

Five in the morning, alter unsuccessfully trying to get your money back at the tattoo

parlor (But I dont even know anybody named Ruby!!!), you and your friends wind up

across the state line in a bar with guys who have been in prison as recently as that

morning. Its the kind of place where even the devil is going, Uh, I gotta turn in. I gotta

be in Hell at nine.Ive got that brunch with Hitler, I cant miss that. At this point,

youre ail drinking some kind of thick blue liquor, like something from a Klingon

wedding. A waitress with fresh stitches comes over, and you think to yourself, Someday

Im gonna marry that girlt! One of your friends stands up and screams, Were drivin to

floridaf Y!!!- and passes out.

You crawl outside for air, and then you hit the worst part of level 5 –

the sun. You werent expecting that were you? You never do. You walk out ora bar in

daylight, and you see people on their way to work, or jogging. And they look at you-and

they know. And they say… Whos Ruby? Lets be honest, if youre 19 and you stay up

ail night, its like a victory, like youve beat the night.., but if youre over 27, then that sun

is like

Gods flashlight. We all say the same prayer then, I swear, I will never

do this again (how long?) as long as I live! And some of us have that

little addition, and this time, I mean it!

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