Old Jokes | New Jokes

Once there was this hunter, out in the forest, hunting bears.



As the hunter approached a clearing in the forest, he saw a bear. One of the biggest bears hed ever seen. So he crouches down behind a largish rock, takes careful aim with his shotgun, and fires. After the smoke clears, he runs down tothe clearing, and the bears body is gone!



He searches the clearing, but to no avail. Then theres a tap-tap-tap on his shoulder. The hunter looks around, and its the bear! You just tried to kill me, didnt you?. Says the bear.Uh, no. No I didnt. The hunter, taken aback by a talking bear, lies.Yes you did. Dont lie, or Ill rip your arms off Uh, yeah, yeah I did. Alright, says, the bear, Ill let you go if you do one thing for me. Whats that?, inquires the hunter. Give me a head-job. What?? On your knees So, the hunter obliges, and leaves the clearing.



Well, the hunters pissed-off. Humiliated by a bear!, he thinks to himself. Ill teach that bastard. He runs to the local town, and buys an Uzi sub-machine gun, and runs back to the clearing. The bear is still there, basking in the sun. Ive got you now, bear, the hunter says to himself, andopens fire from behind the rock.



Again, after the smoke clears, the hunter runs down to the clearing. No bear. Tap-tap-tap on his shoulder. Gulp. You just tried to kill me again, didnt you?. Says the bear. Uh, no. No I didnt, lies the hunter. Yes you did. Dont lie, or Ill rip your legs off Ok! I did. Alright, says, the bear, Ill let you go if you do one thing for me. Whats that?, inquires the hunter. Drop your pants and bend over No way! Ok. Prepare to get your legs ripped off. Alright! Ill do it, you bastard So, the hunter obliges, and leaves the clearing, walking rather gingerly.



Ill fucking get the bastard this time, the hunter thinks to himself, and buys a rocket launcher. He runs back to the clearing, and blasts everything into oblivion. Trees are on fire, rocks are broken, the ground is scorched. Again, after the smoke clears, the hunter runs down to the clearing. No bear.



Tap-tap-tap on his shoulder. Gulp. Youre not here for the hunting, are you?, says the bear.