THE MANS POINTS SYSTEM

For all you guys out there who just cant figure it out, here it

is:

In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman

happy. Do something she likes & you get points. Do something she

dislikes & points are subtracted. You dont get any points for doing

something she expects…Sorry, thats the way the game is played.

Here is a guide to the point system:

SIMPLE DUTIES

You make the bed…+1 You make the bed, but forget to add the

decorative pillows…0 You throw the bedspread over rumpled

sheets…-1 You go out to buy her spring-fresh extra-light panty

liners with wings…+5 But return with beer …-5 You check out a

suspicious noise at night …0 You check out a suspicious noise and

its nothing…0 You check out a suspicious noise and its

something….+5 You pummel it with a six iron….+10 Its her

father…-10 You leave the toilet seat up…-5 You replace the

toilet-paper roll when its empty…0 When the toilet-paper roll is

barren, you resort to Kleenex…-1 When the Kleenex runs out you

shuffle slowly to the next bathroom…-2

SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS You stay by her side the entire party…0 You

stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college

drinking buddy…-2 Named Tiffany…-4 Tiffany is a dancer…-6

Tiffany has implants…-8

HER BIRTHDAY You take her out to dinner…0 You take her out to

dinner and its not a sports bar…+1 Okay, it is a sports bar…-2

And its all-you-can-eat night…-3 Its a sports bar, its

all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your

favorite team…-10

THOUGHTFULNESS You forget her birthday completely…-20 You forget

your anniversary…-30 You forget to pick her up at the bus

station…-45 Which is in Newark, New Jersey…-50 And the pouring

rain dissolves her leg cast…-60

A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS Go out with a pal …-5 And the pal is

happily married …-4 Or frighteningly single …-7 And he drives a

Mustang…-10 With a personalized license plate (GR8 N BED) …-15

You have a few beers…-9 And miss curfew by an hour…-12 You miss

curfew by an hour and you didnt call…-20 You get home at 3

am…-30 You get home at 3 am smelling of booze and cheap cigars

…-40 And not wearing any pants…-50 Is that a tattoo??…-200

HER NIGHT OUT You stay home while she goes out with her annoying

friend from work…+5 She goes out with her annoying work friends,

and she comes home real late…+10 You wait up…+15 She goes out,

comes home late and drunk, and you put her to bed…+20

A NIGHT OUT You take her to a movie…+2 You take her to a movie she

likes…+4 You take her to a movie you hate…+6 You take her to a

movie you like…-2 Its called DeathCop

3…-3 Which features cyborgs having sex…-9 You lied and said it

was a foreign film about orphans…-15

FLOWERS You buy her flowers only when its expected…0 You buy her

flowers as a surprise, just for the hell of it…+20 You give her

wildflowers youve actually picked yourself…+30 And she contracts

Lyme disease…-25

YOUR PHYSIQUE You develop a noticeable potbelly…-15 You develop a

noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it…+10 You develop

a noticeable potbelly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian

shirts…-30 You say I dont give a damn because you have one

too….-800

FINANCES You spend a lot of money on something impractical…+5

Something she cant use…+10 Such as a motorized model

airplane…-20 And you buy her a clock radio for her birthday…-40

DRIVING You let her tell you how to drive…+20 You let her mother

tell you how to drive…+40 You lost the directions on a trip…-4

You lost the directions and end up getting lost…-10 You end up

getting lost because you followed her directions …+10 You end up

getting lost in a bad part of town …-15 You get lost in a bad part

of town and meet the locals up close and personal…-25 You know

them…-60

THE BIG QUESTION She asks, Do I look fat?…-5 (Sensitive

questions always start with a deficit) You hesitate in

responding…-10 You reply, Where?…-35

COMMUNICATION When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen,

displaying what looks like a concerned expression…0 When she wants

to talk, you listen, for over 30 minutes….+5 You listen for more

than 30 minutes without looking at the TV…+10 She realizes this is

because youve fallen asleep…-20