The Mans Point System!
THE MANS POINTS SYSTEM
For all you guys out there who just cant figure it out, here it
is:
In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman
happy. Do something she likes & you get points. Do something she
dislikes & points are subtracted. You dont get any points for doing
something she expects…Sorry, thats the way the game is played.
Here is a guide to the point system:
SIMPLE DUTIES
You make the bed…+1 You make the bed, but forget to add the
decorative pillows…0 You throw the bedspread over rumpled
sheets…-1 You go out to buy her spring-fresh extra-light panty
liners with wings…+5 But return with beer …-5 You check out a
suspicious noise at night …0 You check out a suspicious noise and
its nothing…0 You check out a suspicious noise and its
something….+5 You pummel it with a six iron….+10 Its her
father…-10 You leave the toilet seat up…-5 You replace the
toilet-paper roll when its empty…0 When the toilet-paper roll is
barren, you resort to Kleenex…-1 When the Kleenex runs out you
shuffle slowly to the next bathroom…-2
SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS You stay by her side the entire party…0 You
stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college
drinking buddy…-2 Named Tiffany…-4 Tiffany is a dancer…-6
Tiffany has implants…-8
HER BIRTHDAY You take her out to dinner…0 You take her out to
dinner and its not a sports bar…+1 Okay, it is a sports bar…-2
And its all-you-can-eat night…-3 Its a sports bar, its
all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your
favorite team…-10
THOUGHTFULNESS You forget her birthday completely…-20 You forget
your anniversary…-30 You forget to pick her up at the bus
station…-45 Which is in Newark, New Jersey…-50 And the pouring
rain dissolves her leg cast…-60
A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS Go out with a pal …-5 And the pal is
happily married …-4 Or frighteningly single …-7 And he drives a
Mustang…-10 With a personalized license plate (GR8 N BED) …-15
You have a few beers…-9 And miss curfew by an hour…-12 You miss
curfew by an hour and you didnt call…-20 You get home at 3
am…-30 You get home at 3 am smelling of booze and cheap cigars
…-40 And not wearing any pants…-50 Is that a tattoo??…-200
HER NIGHT OUT You stay home while she goes out with her annoying
friend from work…+5 She goes out with her annoying work friends,
and she comes home real late…+10 You wait up…+15 She goes out,
comes home late and drunk, and you put her to bed…+20
A NIGHT OUT You take her to a movie…+2 You take her to a movie she
likes…+4 You take her to a movie you hate…+6 You take her to a
movie you like…-2 Its called DeathCop
3…-3 Which features cyborgs having sex…-9 You lied and said it
was a foreign film about orphans…-15
FLOWERS You buy her flowers only when its expected…0 You buy her
flowers as a surprise, just for the hell of it…+20 You give her
wildflowers youve actually picked yourself…+30 And she contracts
Lyme disease…-25
YOUR PHYSIQUE You develop a noticeable potbelly…-15 You develop a
noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it…+10 You develop
a noticeable potbelly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian
shirts…-30 You say I dont give a damn because you have one
too….-800
FINANCES You spend a lot of money on something impractical…+5
Something she cant use…+10 Such as a motorized model
airplane…-20 And you buy her a clock radio for her birthday…-40
DRIVING You let her tell you how to drive…+20 You let her mother
tell you how to drive…+40 You lost the directions on a trip…-4
You lost the directions and end up getting lost…-10 You end up
getting lost because you followed her directions …+10 You end up
getting lost in a bad part of town …-15 You get lost in a bad part
of town and meet the locals up close and personal…-25 You know
them…-60
THE BIG QUESTION She asks, Do I look fat?…-5 (Sensitive
questions always start with a deficit) You hesitate in
responding…-10 You reply, Where?…-35
COMMUNICATION When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen,
displaying what looks like a concerned expression…0 When she wants
to talk, you listen, for over 30 minutes….+5 You listen for more
than 30 minutes without looking at the TV…+10 She realizes this is
because youve fallen asleep…-20
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