The New and Improved Barbie Models

Bifocals Barbie
Comes with her own set of blended-lens fashion frames in six wild
colors (half-frames too!), neck chain and large-print editions of
Vogue and Martha Stewart Living.

Hot Flash Barbie
Press Barbies bellybutton and watch her face turn beet red while
tiny drops of perspiration appear on her forehead. Comes with
hand-held fan and tiny tissues.

Facial Hair Barbie
As Barbies hormone levels shift, see her whiskers grow. Available
with teensy tweezers and magnifying mirror.

Flabby Arms Barbie
Hide Barbies droopy triceps with these new, roomier-sleeved
gowns. Good news on the tummy front, too – muumuus with tummy-support
panels are included.

Bunion Barbie
Years of disco dancing in stiletto heels have definitely taken
their toll on Barbies dainty arched feet. Soothe her sores with the
pumice stone and plasters, then slip on soft terry mules.

No-More-Wrinkles Barbie
Erase those pesky crows-feet and lip lines with a tube of Skin
Sparkle-Spackle, from Barbies own line of exclusive age-blasting

Soccer Mom Barbie
All that experience as a cheer-leader is really paying off as
Barbie dusts off her old high school megaphone to root for Babs and
Ken, Jr. Comes with minivan in robin-egg blue or white, and cooler
filled with doughnut holes and fruit punch.

Mid-Life Crisis Barbie
Its time to ditch Ken. Barbie needs a change, and Alonzo (her
personal trainer) is just what the doctor ordered, along with Prozac.
Theyre hopping in her new red Miata and heading for the Napa Valley
to open a B&B. Includes a real tape of Breaking Up Is Hard to

Divorced Barbie
Sells for $199.99. Comes with Kens house, Kens car, and Kens

Recovery Barbie
Too many parties have finally caught up with the ultimate party
girl. Now she does Twelve Steps instead of dance steps. Clean and
sober, shes going to meetings religiously. Comes with a little copy
of The Big Book and a six-pack of Diet Coke.

Post-Menopausal Barbie
This Barbie wets her pants when she sneezes, forgets where she
puts things, and cries a lot. She is sick and tired of Ken sitting on
the couch watching the tube, clicking through the channels. Comes with
Depends and Kleenex. As a bonus this year, the book Getting In Touch
with Your Inner Self is included.

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