The Ghost Poo: The kind where you feel poo come out, see poo on the toilet paper, but theres no poo in the bowl.

The Clean poo – The kind where you feel poo come out, see poo in the bowl, but theres no poo on the toilet paper.

The Wet Poo- You wipe your butt fifty times and it still feels unwiped. So you end up putting toilet paper between your butt and your underwear so you dont ruin them with those dreadful skid marks.

The Wet Cheeks Poo- Thats the kind that comes out of your butt so fast that your butt cheeks get splashed with the toilet water, or splash-back.

The Second Wave Poo- This poo happens when you think youve finished, your pants are up to your knees, and you suddenly realize you have to poo some more.

The Brain Haemorrhage-through-your-nose Poo- You have to strain so much to get it out that you turn purple and practically have a stroke.

The Lincoln Log Log- The kind of poo thats so enormous youre afraid to flush it down without first breaking it up into little pieces with the toilet brush.

The Power Dump Poo- The kind that comes out so fast, youve barely got your pants down and youre done.

The Liquid Plumber Poo- This kind of poo is so big it plugs up the toilet and it overflows all over the floor. You should have followed the advice from the Lincoln Log Poo.

The Spinal Tap Poo- The kind of poo that hurts so much coming out, youd swear its got to be coming out sideways.

The I-think-Im-turning-into-a-bunny Poo- When you drop lots of cute, little round ones that look like marbles and make tiny splishy sounds when they hit the water.

The What-the-hell-died-in-here Poo- Also sometimes referred to as The Toxic Dump. Of course you dont warn anyone of the poisonous bathroom odour. Instead, you stand innocently near the door and enjoy the show as they run out a-gagging and a-gasping for air.

The I-just-know-theres-a-turd-still-dangling-there Poo- Where you just sit there patiently and wait for the last cling-on to drop.