You think you got it bad.

All night long, soot in the chimneys, smelly socks, nasty dogs, shot at, mistaken for a stork, driving all night in the snow, damn near get killed by a 747, Mrs. Claus pissed off cause I got in too late.

AND THAT ISNT ALL

Donner, Blitzen and Rudolph got the shits over Albuquerque and you should see my suit. The damn elves wont clean the sleigh unless I pay them double time.

I am so SICK of cookies and milk I could vomit. The only highball I had all night was when I slipped getting out of the sleigh.

My prostate is giving me hell. I pissed my pants at 20,000 feet and froze to the seat, Im allergic to pine needles and itch all over, and I think my hemorrhoids are back.

HO! HO! HO! HO!

Merry Christmas, my ass!!!