The Top 15 Signs School is Out

Ratings for Ricki Lake reach all-time high.
Its past noon and STILL no sight of the school bus.
Tuba sales plummetting.
Flashers relocate from schoolyards to playgrounds.
Gang violence back on the streets where it belongs.
Metal detectors moved from school entrance to mall entrance.
X-rated theaters packed with restless crossing guards.
Massive layoffs again in the Number 2 Pencil industry.
Increase in FULLHOUSE-LIST messages from teenyboppers who obviously dont understand Bob Sagets comic genius!
Refuses stunt double for steamy love scene with Brad Pitt – Oops, thats a sign that Keanu Reeves is out!
Every morning when you go out to check your bear traps, you gotta release a half-dozen kids.
Clown-head voice is two octaves higher when blaring Uh, you want fries with that?
You keep bumping into Woody Allen and his sweetie.
All the best kickball players joining professional teams.

and Top5s Number 1 Sign School is Out …

Normally dormant Alice Cooper heads for Vegas again with that new royalty check.

[ This list copyright 1996 by Chris White and Ziff Davis, Inc. ]
[ The Top Five List top5@walrus.com http://www.topfive.com ]
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