The Top 15 Signs Youre Not a Very Good Cook

15> Your meals look just like the pictures on the cover of the
magazine — Aviation Disaster Weekly.

14> Only similarity between your Mexican cuisine and actual
Mexican cuisine is the vomiting and diarrhea.

13> Jack Kevorkian keeps writing to ask for recipes.

12> Your leftovers dont have an expiration date… they have
a half-life.

11> When no ones looking, the dog sneaks your food to his
heartworms after your son sneaks it to him.

10> The EPA has opened a branch office in your breakfast nook.

9> After all this time, it turns out the recipes were calling
for *chicken* eggs.

8> First day in the kitchen, your job was toast the bread.
Then you were downgraded to cut the bread. Now its
simply stop your bleeding.

7> You still cant figure out what the hell a tiblisp is.

6> The Defense Department has requested your rice pilaf recipe
as a repair compound for leaky battleships.

5> After lower than anticipated craving for your arroz con
stinkbug, you think you overhear your fellow Survivors
discussing how to cook stew. Your name? Stu.

4> The cat shuns your table scraps in favor of its own vomit.

3> Your Chicken a la King is served on a bed of shocking
gray hair.

2> Your tapeworm has issued an unconditional surrender.

1> Lobster? Climbs out of the pot, grabs a cook book, and
proceeds to beat you with it.

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