STOCK:
A magical piece of paper that is worth $33.75 until the moment you buy it. It will then be worth $8.50.
BOND:
What you had with your spouse until you pawned his/her golf clubs to invest in Amazon.com.
BROKER:
The person you trust to help you make major financial decisions. Please note the first five letters of this word spell Broke.
BEAR:
What your trade account and wallet will be when you take a flyer on that hot stock tip your secretary gave you.
BULL:
What your broker uses to explain why your mutual funds tanked during the last quarter.
MARGIN:
Where you scribble the latest quotes when youre supposed to be listening to your managers presentation.
SHORT POSITION:
A type of trade where, in theory, a person sells stocks he doesnt actually own. Since this also only ever works in theory, a short position is what a person usually ends up being in. (i.e. The rent, sir? Hahaha, well, Im a little short this month.).
COMMISSION:
The only reliable way to wake money on the stock market, which is why your broker charges you one.
YAK:
What you do into a pail when you discover your stocks have plunged and your broker is making a margin call.

Did you know that if you took all the economists in the world and lined them up end to end, theyd still point in the wrong direction?