OReillys law of the kitchen: Cleanliness is next to impossible.

Liebermans law: Everybody lies, but it doesnt matter since nobody listens.

Dennistons law: Virtue is its own punishment.

Golds law: If the shoe fits, its ugly.

Conways law: In any organization, there will always be one person who knows what is going on. This person should be fired.

Finsters law: A closed mouth gathers no feet.

Lynchs law: When the going gets tough, everyone leaves.

Muirs law: When we try to separate anything out by itself, we find it hitched to everything else in the universe.

Glymes formula for success: The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that, youve got it made.

Masons first law of synergism: The one day youd sell your birthright for something, birthrights are a glut.

Hanlons razor: Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.

Handy guide to modern science:

If its green or wriggles, its biology.

If it stinks, its chemistry.

If it doesnt work, its physics.

Greens law of debate: Anything is possible if you dont know what youre talking about.

Stewarts law of retroaction: It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.

First rule of history: History doesnt repeat itself, historians merely repeat each other.

Olivers law of location: No matter where you go, there you are.

Harrisons postulate: For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.