Running out of toothpaste

getting deodorant in your eyes



getting drunk and trying to chug a lava lamp



poorly done tattoos



gasps of amazement



puking so hard you break blood vessels in your face



white pants or shorts



hats that make your head sweat and itch



cordless phones that randomly hang up on people



heart shaped pancakes



having to reuse snotty tissues



torn shirts



striped ties



loud vaccums that dont suck at all



the word moustache



poorly designed furniture



sham celebrations



purple coats



sacrifical lambs



oversized earrings



pink staplers



bras that are impossible to get off



feng shui



rusty spikes in your bed



waking up in your own shit



Sheep stomachs used as hats



Your phone rings and before you get it, it stops.



flutes



creatures that are half man and half fawn who bounce around calling you Lucy



pimples on the palms of your hands



having to bathe in dirty water that was used to wash dogs three weeks ago



the sound of your walkman slowing down the tape youre listening to



dead people whispering at you in the night



burrowing elks who ruin your basement



dreaming that you get shot just before meeting Mike Patton



trying to touch the sky and falling down



barking dogs outside your place that bark all damn day long and then start barking at each other,



then bark at the trees, then cars, then kids, and then each other again.



open houses during the rainy season



hair gel that drips from the ceiling



dirty sinks



being cremated when you were just sleeping



having your mom wake you and you fell asleep nude, surrounded in porno magazines



and pictures of the golden girls from tv.



running out of dishes and being forced to finally do them



monkey brain bits in your sandwich



being told that thats just the way life is



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