Things I Must Remember As A Dog

The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.

I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when Im lying under the coffee table.

I will not roll my toys behind the fridge, behind the
sofa or under the bed.

I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering
the house.

I will not eat the cats food, before they eat it or
after they throw it up.

I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of
clean carpet in the house when I am about to get sick.

I will not throw up in the car.

Kitty box crunchies, although they are tasty, are not

I will not eat any more Kleenex or napkins and then re-deposit them in the backyard after processing.

The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.

I will not chew my humans toothbrush and not tell

I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red
ones, or my people will think I am hemorrhaging.

When in the car, I will not insist on having the window
rolled down when its raining outside.

We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I
hear one on TV.

I will not steal my moms underwear and dance all over
the backyard with it.

The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom and Dads

My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

I will not bite the officers hand when he reaches in
for moms drivers license and car registration.

I will not play tug-of-war with dads underwear when
hes on the toilet.

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