19
Oct

Tips for Moving South…Yee-Haw!

Tips for Moving South…Yee-Haw!

1. Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later how to use it.

2. If you forget a Southerners name, refer to him (or her) as Bubba. You have a 75% chance of being right.

3. Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean we can. Stay home the two days of the year it snows.

4. If you do run your car into a ditch, dont panic. Four men in the cab of a four wheel drive with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Dont try to help them. Just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.

5. Dont be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store.

6. Do not buy food at the movie store.

7. If it cant be fried in bacon grease, it aint worth cooking, let alone eating.

8. Remember: Yall is singular. All yall is plural. All yalls is plural possessive.

9. There is nothing sillier than a Northerner imitating a southern accent, unless it is a southerner imitating a Boston accent.

10. Get used to hearing, You aint from around here, are you?

11. People walk slower here.

12. Dont be worried that you dont understand anyone. They dont understand you either.

13. The first Southern expression to creep into a transplanted Northerners vocabulary is the adjective Big ol, as in big ol truck or big ol boy. Eighty-five percent begin their new southern influenced dialect with this expression. One hundred percent are in denial about it.

14. The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.

15. Be advised: The He needed killin defense is valid here.

16. If attending a funeral in the South, remember, we stay until the last shovel of dirt is thrown on and the tent is torn down.

17. If you hear a Southerner exclaim, Hey, yall, watch this! stay out of his way. These are likely the last words he will ever say.

18. Most Southerners do not use turn signals, and they ignore those who do. In fact, if you see a signal blinking on a car with a southern license plate, you may rest assured that it was on when the car was purchased.

19. Northerners can be identified by the spit on the inside of their cars windshield that comes from yelling at other drivers.

20. The winter wardrobe you always brought out in September can wait until November.

21. If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the most minuscule accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It does not matter if you need anything from the store, it is just something youre supposed to do.

22. Satellite dishes are very popular in the South. When you purchase one, it is to be positioned directly in front of your trailer. This is logical, bearing in mind that the dish cost considerably more than the trailer and should, therefore, be displayed.

23. Tornadoes and Southerners going through a divorce have a lot in common. In either case, you know someone is going to lose a trailer.

24. Florida is not considered a southern state. There are far more Yankees than Southerners living there.

25. In southern churches you will hear the hymn, All Glory, Laud and Honor. You will also hear expressions such as, Laud, Have mercy, Good Laud, and Laudy, Laudy, Laudy.

26. As you are cursing the person driving 15 mph in a 55 mph zone, directly in the middle of the road, remember, many folks learned to drive on a model of vehicle known as John Deere, and this is the proper speed and lane position for the vehicle.

27. You can ask a Southerner for directions, but unless you already know the positions of key hills, trees, rocks, and where buildings used to stand, youre better off trying to find it yourself.

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