Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00pm and then bring
it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.
If its really a rush job, run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes to
inquire how its going. That helps. Or even better, hover behind me, advising me
at every keystroke.
Always leave without telling anyone where youre going. It gives me a chance
to be creative when someone asks where you are.
Wait until my yearly review and then tell me what my goals
should have been. Give me a mediocre performance rating with a cost of
living increase. Im not here for the money anyway.
If you give me more than one job to do, dont tell me which is the priority.
I like being a psychic.
Do your best to keep me late. I adore this office and really have nowhere to
go or anything to do. I have no life beyond work.
If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. If that gets out, it could mean
a promotion.
If you dont like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to be popular in
conversations. I was born to be whipped.
If you have special instructions for a job, dont write them down. In fact,
save them until the job is almost done. No use confusing me with useful
information.
Never introduce me to the people youre with. I have no right to know
anything. In the corporate food chain, I am plankton. When you refer to them
later, my shrewd deductions will identify them.
Tell me all your little problems. No one else has any and its nice to know
someone is less fortunate. I especially like the story about having to pay so
much taxes on the bonus check you received for being such a good manager.