29
Dec

TOP 10 Reasons Its OK that My In-Laws will be at the Indy 500

The greatest spectacle in sports, The Indy 500 (auto race) will be held next weekend. It is probably the single biggest party in the world (about 500,000 people attend). The race is almost secondary to the general debauchery that occurs. It seems like everyone shows up with a case of Budweiser and an attitude.

They allow spectators into the infield of the track, which is amazing since they cant see a single car the entire time. Those folks go just to party. There is one infamous area of the infield called the Snake Pit, where the motorcycle gangs hang out and cops dont even dare to go in alone.

Being from Indianapolis I have always gone to the race. Our family has the same seats in the stands every year, though Im usually the only one who uses them. Ive always taken my rowdy friends and had a good ole time.

This year, my wife has invited her parents to go with us. This will certainly put a big cramp in my race day style, so I created the following ripoff on Lettermans lists. I hope there are some race fans out there who can appreciate the humor…


TOP 10 Reasons Its OK that My In-Laws will be at the Indy 500

  1. Two more people to push the car if we run out of gas in the traffic afterwards.
  2. The people with seats near ours, who I have terrorized for years, will be *so* impressed at how well behaved I am this year.
  3. Three words: Sylvias potato salad
  4. Wont have to (get to?) take life threatening trip into the Snake Pit
  5. Wont embarrass my wife this year by ripping my shirt off every time I see a SHOW US YOUR TITS sign.
  6. With Dan on his book signing tour, the Quayles wont be available anyway.
  7. There will be one person at the race who thinks that commentator Sam Posey is actually offering keen insights.
  8. Why bother going to the race ever again, anyway, now that Mario is retiring.
  9. For the next 40 years Ill get to say, What do you mean we never take your parents anywhere. Didnt I take em to the race in 94?

    And the number one reason Its OK that My In-Laws will be at the Race with me this year:

  10. Wont have to lug around that cooler full of beer all day!

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