Top 13 signs youre too old to be an astronaut

  1. Your resume includes that job as Strom Thurmonds nanny.
  2. Your historic moonwalk speech? Ive fallen and I cant get up!
  3. Being on oxygen, wearing a waste bag, and eating pureed vegatables through a straw are old hat to you.
  4. Your 96 bid for the presidency didnt quite pan out.
  5. You cant remember the last time you experienced lift-off, if you know what I mean.
  6. Forget the Vomit Comet test plane – you failed the turnstile test.
  7. NASA fits you for a spacesuit support bra – but youre not female.
  8. Houston, were venting some sort of gas out into space… no wait, its just me.
  9. NASA isnt all that impressed that you already get all your meals from a tube.
  10. You can no longer see over the Shuttle steering wheel without your cushion.
  11. During take-off you keep yelling, If you kids dont knock off that racket, Im turning this thing around and were going straight home!
  12. Demand that liftoff be delayed because of time conflict with reruns of Murder, She Wrote and Matlock.

    and the Number 1 Sign Youre Too Old to be an Astronaut…

  13. The last time you heard talk of strange rings around Uranus, it was from your doctor.

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