Top 30 Signs Youve Joined a Cheap HMO (adult)
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- Pedal-powered dialysis machines.
- Use of antibiotics deemed an unauthorized experimental procedure
- Head-wound victim in the waiting room is on the last chapter of War and Peace
- You ask for Viagra. You get a popsicle stick and duct tape.
- Annual breast exam conducted at Hooters.
- Exam room has a tip jar.
- You swear you saw salad tongs and a crab fork on the instrument tray just before the anesthesia kicked in.
- Will you be paying in eggs or pelts?
- Tight budget prevents acquisition of separate rectal thermometers.
- Take two leeches and call me in the morning
- The company logo features a hand squeezing a bleeding turnip.
- Tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicle.
- Covered postnatal care consists of leaving your baby on Mia Farrows doorstep.
- Radiation treatment for cancer patients requires them to walk around with a postcard from Chernobyl in their pocket.
- Pre-natal vitamin prescription is a box of Tic-Tacs.
- Chief Surgeon graduated from University of Benihana.
- Directions to your doctors office include, take a left when you enter the trailer park
- Doctor listens to your heart through a paper towel tube.
- Only item listed under Preventive Care feature of coverage is an apple a day.
- Only participating Physicians are Dr. Fine, Dr. Howard, Dr. Fine.
- Only proctologist in the plan is Gus from Roto-Rooter.
- Plan covers only group gynecological exams.
- Preprinted prescription pads that say Walk it off, you sissy.
- To avoid a time consuming and expensive throat culture, the doctor just French kisses you.
- Recycled bandages.
- You can get your flu shot as soon as the hypodermic needle is dry.
- Your primary care physician is wearing the pants you gave to goodwill last month.
- 24-hour claims line is 1-800-TUF-LUCK
- Costly MRI equipment efficiently replaced by an oversized 2-sided copier.
- Enema? The lavatory faucet swivels to face upward.
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