Top ten reasons to watch CBS this fall

Weve stopped using the deadly gamma rays
Programming designed to make your childern dull and listless
The shows are funny if you drink enough hard cider
If you play with the vertical hold, you can make Andy Rooney jump like a monkey
This year, on a special 60 minutes, Morley Safer loses his virginity
Were Kuralt-a-rific!
Weve got a really cool CBS maintenance man who can turn his feet all the way around
This year, Angela Lansbury starts murdering people herself
If you dont watch, well send Mike Wallace to investigate your ass
Itll help Connie and Maury have a baby!

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