No longer seen jumping subway turnstiles
Visits elementary schools teaching youngsters how to cheat on their taxes
Four words: Shes a hugging machine
All rooms in her hotels are now free! Seriously! Call 1-800-HELMSLEY right now to reserve yours!
Always arrives on time for weekly face lift
Before she was released, returned three dozen stolen towels to prison laundry
Mumbled sorry after coldcocking the doorman
Is receiving counseling for her addiction to mascara
Has removed the word bitch from her resume
Counts to ten, then slaps the houseboy