Beverly Hillbillies

Miss Jane tries to convince Mr. Drysdale to network all the PCs in
the bank, but, typically, he wont spend the money. Frustrated,
Miss Jane pleads with Jed Clampett to persuade Mr. Drysdale to
put in the LAN, but Jed thinks she said put in the ham. Jed
then gets Granny to cook up a dozen hams and has Jethro and Ellie
Mae bring them to the bank. When they arrive, everybody is out to
lunch, so Jethro begins to distribute the hams, but is frustrated
when he cant get the coaxial cable to stay attached to the ham
bone. To further complicate matters, Ellie May has brought along
her pet goats, which begin to eat the ham and cable, causing the
the VAX to short out and force an emergency electronic fund
transfer of the Clampett millions to a competitive bank. As Mr.
Drysdale is seen chasing Miss Jane down the hall with a crazed look
in his eye, swinging a ham at her, Jed is heard to remark, Weee-
doggie! Why look at that Granny. Mr. Drysdale is so happy about
whut we done, hes gonna give Miss Jane her own ham!

Gilligans Island

The Professor finds some rare binary coconuts that can be used to
upgrade the ROM in his bamboo clone modem to support X.25. After
hours of effort, he manages to establish a connection via his
papaya-based VT 100 terminal and satellite uplink with Telenet, but
falls asleep from exhaustion. Gilligan walks up and types +++
then ATH and drops the line. The Skipper beans him with a rock
and finally loses it, his seafaring years catch up with him and he
starts making lewd remarks to Mary Ann about playing Leisure Suit
Larry IV together. Meanwhile, Mr. Howell finally figures out how
to work the ISDN set that was accidently dropped by a passing JAL
jet and has a heart attack when he hears via Dow Jones News
Retrieval that the stock market has soared above 3000 points.
Ginger calls CompuServe and E-mails some software developers in an
effort to convince them that she should would be a good model for
MacStripPoker 2.0. Eventually, all connectivity on the island is
lost, when Gilligan discovers an actor in a bad gorilla costume has
shorted pins 2&3 on the serial cable, and everybody on the island
has just been echoing characters to each other.

The Brady Bunch

Peter uses Crosstalk Mk.4 to dial into the high school computer
and, through hacking tricks picked up from a local adults only
BBS, is able to access individual students permanent records. He
scans through the listings, then, using a clever keyboard macro,
alters his completed courses such that he wont be required to
take English Lit again. However, Jan is working in the school
office at the time and is alerted to the invasion by a diligent
anti-virual TSR. She is then tormented with having to decide to do
the right thing or be loyal to her brother. Jan goes home and
talks to Alice, who says she should analyze all the factors and
then decide after using the new artificial intelligence software
Mr. Brady has recently installed on his Pentium laptop. Jan tries
to use the program, but instead accidently deletes all the files
in the Harvard Graphics directory, leaving Mr. Brady to blow a
presentation the next day. Mrs. Brady finds out via Jan what
happened, and forces Peter to write I will not hack into the
school computer 5000 times with EDLIN while the rest of the family
eats angel food cake on the patio.

The Mary Tyler Moore Show

Mr. Grant tells Mary to come up with some hard facts about all the
activity out in Silicon Valley. Mary grabs her Mac portable and
jumps on a plane west. Unfortunately, she leaves the Mac switched
on and, due to an undiscovered bug in the latest release of System
and Finder, the hard disk continually optimizes itself when no
keyboard input is recorded for more than five minutes. Needless to
say, she has a dead Mac when arriving and spends the next few hours
trying to find a replacement. Meanwhile, Ted begins his broadcast
and notes that We expected to have some good information about
Silicon Valley for this broadcast, but somebody had to take a Mac
and not a reliable laptop PC! Frantic, Mary calls long distance
over crystalline fiber optic lines to get help from Rhoda, who
doesnt answer the phone because she is playing Bomber and has the
headphones on. However, Phylliss snotty daughter is around and
answers. She listens to Mary whine, then hangs up the phone. Mary
is last seen violently flinging the Mac out a speeding taxi window
while crossing the Bay Bridge.