Twas the night before Christmas – Old Santa was pissed
He cussed out the elves and threw down his list
Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks
I have a good mind to scrap the whole works

Ive busted my ass for damn near a year
Instead of Thanks Santa – what do I hear
The old lady bitches cause I work late at night
The elves want more money – The reindeer all fight

Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids
Donner is pregnant and Vixen has AIDS
And just when I thought that things would get better
Those assholes from IRS sent me a letter

They say I owe taxes – if that aint damn funny
Who the hell ever sent Santa Clause any money
And the kids these days – they all are the pits
They want the impossible ….Those mean little shits

I spent a whole year making wagons and sleds
Assembling dolls…Their arms, legs and heads
I made a ton of yo yos – No request for them
They want computers and robots…they think Im IBM!

If you think thats bad…just picture this
Try holding those brats…with their pants full of piss
They pull on my nose – they grab at my beard
And if I dont smile..the parents think Im weird

Flying through the air…dodging the trees
Falling down chimneys and skinning my knees
Im quitting this job…theres just no enjoyment
Ill sit on my fat ass and draw unemployment

Theres no Christmas this year…now you know the reason
I found me a blonde.. Im going SOUTH for the season!