Jack was returning to work Monday morning with two black eyes. His work mates were understandably curious:

Jack, what happened to you?!?

It was the darndest thing! I was at church yesterday, and this fat lady stood up in front of me. You know how a dress can get stuck in the crack of the ass of a fat lady? It looked funny. I figured she wouldnt like that, so I just reached over and pulled it out with a little tug. Next thing I know, she spins around and socks me one!

Jeez, you got TWO black eyes in one blow?

Naw…After she turned back around, I figured she was angry that I pulled the dress out of her crack — so I tried to poke it back in.