The Universal Excuse Form is designed to get you out of the trouble that you may have encountered. Whenever theres a multiple choice, pick the one that works best for your situation and use it. Youll be surprised how effective this form can be!

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Dear

a) Mom

b) Dad

c) love of my life

d) Assistant Principal

e) Local Police Chief,

f) Near & dear friend

Words cannot begin to express how sorry I am that your

a) Car

b) House

c) Pet

d) Espresso maker

e) Left arm

f) Snow Mobile

was severely damaged by my

a) infantile

b) puerile

c) inept

d) comically brilliant but nonetheless sadistic

e) woefully under appreciated prank.

How could I have known that the

a) car

b) jet ski

c) large helium balloon

d) rodent driven sledge

e) Zamboni

f) Ski Doo

I was riding in would go so far out of control? And while it is true that I should not have pointed it in the direction of your

a) house

b) wife

c) Mistress

d) Cub Scout troop

e) 1/16th sized replica of the Statue of Liberty, complete with lightbulb in the torch

f) priceless collection of Rolling Rock beer cans,

you must understand that it was all meant in fun. The subsequent carnage that I caused is beyond my ability to

a) imagine

b) fathom

c) comprehend

d) appreciate

e) pay for

and I must therefore humbly ask your forgiveness. I know that you are perfectly within your rights to

a) hate me

b) sue me

c) spank me

d) take my firstborn

e) gouge out my eyes with spoons and feed them to the fish in your koi pond

f) just shoot me

but I ask you to remember all the good times weve had, joking around at

a) school

b) work

c) church

d) the bowling alley

e) the municipal jail

and to remember that I am first and foremost your

a) friend

b) child

c) sibling

d) lease co-signer

e) only possible match should you ever need a bone marrow transplant.

I think that counts for more than one prank, especially one that

a) was so stupid

b) was so silly

c) would have been funny if it worked

d) you would have done, if you had thought of it first

e) Im going to use again on someone else.

Sincerely,

Me