Top Ten Signs youre Not Watching a Real Baseball Team

From Late Show with David Letterman; Monday, February 20, 1995

You recognize batter as the kid who sold you a hot dog a couple minutes earlier.

Everytime a player slides into second, he busts his hip.

They keep shouting Do over!

When umpire yells, Strike 3! batter looks at him as if the dudes speaking French.

Try as they might, they just cant scratch themselves like professionals.

First base: Siskel. Second base: Ebert.

Game stops when some lady in a house near the stadium shouts Dinner time!

Players constantly adjusting each others cups.

You overheard the coach yelling, Run, Forrest, run!

They play like the Mets.