Ways to add confusion to dining halls

by Robert Chen

You should not attempt any these things. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.

11. Instead of getting a fork, knife, and spoon, get three spoons. Cut your meat with them and pretend not to notice.

12. Do not to use glasses. Anytime you feel like having a drink, go up to the liquid dispenser, wrap your mouth around it, and press the button. Complain that it goes too fast.

13. Burp to the tune of Jingle Bells.

14. Stand next to the salad bar. Every time someone reaches for some food, yell, Hey! and shake your head.

15. Remark on how the foods sanitation is open to question. Recall the time you saw the chef blow snot rocks into the food for seasoning. Ask the person next to you to be your Food Tester.

16. Enter the dining hall half naked. If youre not immediately removed from the premises, sit next to someone eating. Ask him or her how theyre enjoying their meal.

17. Ask how the lettuce was killed. After the initial pause of confusion, shake your head angrily and yell, What about vegetables?! Dont they have rights too?!

18. Grab a big handful of whatever it is youre eating and shove it into your neighbors face. Offer him or her a bite.

19. Get your food and sit down. Count out loud the number of grains of rice you received, starting again every once in a while. When youre done, go up to the server and tell him or her how you were cheated out of 8 grains and proceed to make a scene.

20. Same as above, but with burgers.

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