18
Dec

Ways to add confusion to dining halls

by Robert Chen

You should not attempt any these things. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.

21. When theyre not looking, empty your bladder into an empty glass. Show contents to everyone and say, This apple juice tastes funny. Here. Try some.

22. Every time someone takes a bite of their food, laugh uncontrollably. Stop suddenly and warn everyone not to laugh. Then take a bite of yours while giving everyone an evil eye.

23. Get a friend. Practice weightlifting tables. If people complain, weightlift them.

24. Get some clean plates and empty glasses. Sit down and stare them down.

25. During the meal, yell out, Oh my gosh! Its still alive! Grab your knife and start hacking at the meat.

26. Dress in clothes with lots of pockets. When youre in the dining hall, stuff them with all the food you can find. Waddle out of the dining hall, but on the way out, remark how the dining hall never has enough food.

27. Practice singing.

28. Randomly stop people from eating and try to convince them that their food is poisoned.

29. Bring insects and small rodents. Release.

30. Dress in a toga. After getting your food, find a comfortable place to recline. Throw your utensils on the floor and start eating Romanically. Explain how you never should have trusted that Brutus guy.

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