01
Feb

What Martha Stewart Could Do While In Prison

1. Demonstrate the skills needed to decorate a wedding cake and how to conceal weapons.
2. Be forced to make her cell mattress with sheets from her K-Mart collection.
3. Embroider her monogram on her lively orange jumpsuit.
4. Teach prison workers the fine art of nouvelle cuisine.
5. Create whimsical centerpieces out of cigarette butts and playing cards.
6. Soften the entrance of the prison with decorative wreaths made of barbed wire and chicken bones.
7. Paint a charming window scene in her prison cell.
8. Weave sun hats for daily outings to the highway for trash pickup detail.
9. Decoupage license plates.
10. Be tortured in solitary confinement with her own television show played 24 hours a day.

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