My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE:
If youre going to kill each other, do it outside – I just finished cleaning!

My mother taught me RELIGION:
You better pray that will come out of the carpet.

My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL:
If you dont straighten up, Im going to knock you into the middle of next week!

My mother taught me LOGIC:
Because I said so, thats why.

My mother taught me FORESIGHT:
Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case youre in an accident.

My mother taught me IRONY:
Keep crying and Ill give you something to cry about.

My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS:
Shut your mouth and eat your supper!

My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM:
Will you *look* at the dirt on the back of your neck!

My mother taught me about STAMINA:
Youll sit there til all that spinach is finished.

My mother taught me about WEATHER:
It looks as if a cyclone swept through your room.

My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS:
If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you; would you listen then?

My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY:
If Ive told you once, Ive told you a million times – dont exaggerate!

My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE:
I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.

My mother taught me about ENVY:
There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who dont have wonderful parents like you do!