All the things my mother taught me:
My mom taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE -
If youre going to kill each other, do it outside - I just finished cleaning!
My mother taught me RELIGION -
You better pray that will come out of the carpet.
My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL:
If you dont straighten up, Im going to knock you into the middle of next week!
My mother taught me LOGIC:
Because I said so, thats why.
My mother taught me FORESIGHT -
Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case youre in an accident.
My mother taught me IRONY -
Keep laughing and Ill *give* you something to cry out.
My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS -
Shut your mouth and eat your supper!
My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM -
Will you *look* at the dirt on the back of your neck!
My mother taught me about STAMINA -
Youll sit there til all that spinach is finished.
My mother taught me about WEATHER -
It looks as if a tornado swept through your room.
My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS -
If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you; would you listen then?
My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY -
If Ive told you once, Ive told you a million times - dont exaggerate!!!
My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE -
I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.
My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION -
Stop acting like your father!
My mother taught me about ENVY -
There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who dont have wonderful parents like you do!