When The Enterprises Warranty Ends…..

Impulse engines stall when used in reverse.

Digital speedometer on helm console stuck at 88.

Shields fail to work on alternate Fridays.

Rust problem in engineering causes support failure: one corner of warp coil now held up by phone book.

Booster cables become permanent fixtures in transporter room.

Captains chair must be propped up against screen to keep image from flickering.

Guinan stops wearing large, heavy hats for fear of falling through squeaky part of floor in 10-forward.

Main sensor array unable to pick up anything except CBS.

Lower part of bridge falls even lower and ramps along either side become too steep for crew to climb.

Holodeck becomes caught in an infinite loop: ship is overcome by ten thousand care bears.

Ship cannot enter warp while food dispenser is making Kraft macaroni and cheese.

Food dispenser in 10-forward will only serve light beer.

Bug in main computer speech processor: computer voice will either stutter or talk like Barbara Walters.

Ships dryer indiscriminately shreds crews uniforms, and related problem in fabrication machinery will only produce new clothing with Roger Rabbit caricature prominently displayed.

Computer refuses to carry out commands unless captain says Pretty please with sugar on it.

Riker unable to sleep for 2 weeks when holodeck computer crashes and loses access to nude volleyball program.

Replacement parts for automatic door to captains ready room are exhausted and door must be replaced with bead curtains.

Saucer section separates whenever ship makes left turn.

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