When the old golfer died, Peter met him at the gates of
heaven. Sorry, old man, Peter said, But I cant let you in.
You see the big book here says you committed one unpardonable sin
back in 1978 — You took the Lords name in vain during a golf game.

Oh, yes. Ill never forget that one, and Im terribly sorry Peter,
but I can explain…, the old golfer blithered.

Well, said Peter, Youll have to take it up with The Big Guy.

So Peter led the old golfer down a long golden hallway, to Gods
office. Weve got another code 6 here, sir! Says he can explain…

So, booms God, Youve been taking my name in vain.

Only once, your Almighty, Sir. But I can explain!

OK. Try me, replied the Lord.

Well you see sir, I was playing my best game of golf ever, and I
made it to the 18th hole, and Id win the tournament if I could
just make par on this hole. I made my shot from the
tee, and it was sailing beautifully, when suddenly the wind
shifted, and took my ball off into the woods, and right behind
this enormous oak tree…

And thats when you took my name in vain?

Oh, no, sir! I just took out my 6 iron and knocked that ball
clear out of the woods with one swing! It was gliding beautifully
toward the green, when suddenly it lost speed, and dropped into
a sand trap, right smack in the middle of a deep hole…

So, that is when you took my name in vain?

No, not then. I just took out my nine, and with one swing, drove
that ball right onto the green, and it rolled within two inches of the
hole…

Dont tell me you missed a goddamn two inch putt!