Santa is bearded, corpulent, and dresses funny. (KM)
When you ask Santa for something, the odds of receiving what you
wanted are infinitesimal. (KM)
Santa seldom answers your mail. (KM)
When you ask Santa where he gets all the stuff hes got, he says, Elves
make it for me. (KM)
Santa doesnt care about your deadlines. (KM)
Your parents ascribed supernatural powers to Santa, but did all the work
themselves. (KM)
Nobody knows who Santa has to answer to for his actions. (KM)
Santa laughs entirely too much. (KM)
Santa thinks nothing of breaking into your $HOME. (KM)
Only a lunatic says bad things about Santa in his presence. (KM)
Santa is forced to do all his work when his users are in down time. (TS)
Hes forced to work even on observed holidays. (TS)
He claims hes unique, but you see people just like him at the mall. (TS)
Users make an incredible number of unreasonable demands, but in the end, the
only thing that really interests them are new toys. (TS)
Somehow, somewhere, by some unknown process, he found a wife just like him. (TS)
Where people dont believe in him, inevitably there are other people who do
the same job, just with a different title. (TS)
Users arent happy enough to see the results of his work. They keep asking
perstering questions about how he manages to do it. They cant accept that
its just some sort of magic. (TS)
Even the non-religious pray for him to arrive. (TS)
Hes the only one who laughs at his message of the day. (TS)
Hell never get another job; his resume is too specific to the job he
currently has. (TS)
Some of the users who make requests are kind of sophisticated, but most of
them are having a good day when they avoid peeing their pants in his
presence. (TS)
Hes forced to crawl into unreasonably small, dirty spaces to do his job…
even when hes wearing a nice suit. (TS)
Even if his work is really mostly spiritual, the world is a
better place because of his existence!!! (TS)
People expect everything from him, within 24 hours, and at no cost.
(SS)

Items tagged as:

KM written by Keith Meidling

TS written by Tony Shepps

SS written by Steve Simmons