Wifespeak/Translation

You want: You want

We need: I want

Its your decision: The correct decision should be obvious by now

Do what you want: Youll pay for this later

We need to talk: I need to complain

Sure…go ahead: I dont want you to.

Im not upset: Of course Im upset, you moron.

Youre so manly: You need a shave and you sweat a lot.

Youre certainly attentive tonight: Is sex all you ever think about?

Im not emotional! And Im not over reacting!: Im on my period.

Be romantic, turn out the lights.: I have flabby thighs.

This kitchen is so inconvenient: I want a new house.

I want new curtains: and carpeting, furniture, wallpaper….

I need wedding shoes: the other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white

Hang the picture there: No, I mean hang it there!

I heard a noise: I noticed you were almost asleep.

Do you love me?: Im going to ask for something expensive.

How much do you love me?: I did something today youre really not going to like.

Ill be ready in a minute: Kick off your shoes and find a good game on T.V.

Is my butt fat?: Tell me Im beautiful.

You have to learn to communicate: Just agree with me.

Are you listening to me!?: [Too late, your dead.]

Yes: No

No: No

Maybe: No

Im sorry: Youll be sorry.

Do you like this recipe?: Its easy to fix, so youd better get used to it.

Was that the baby?: Why dont you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep.

Im not yelling!: Yes I am yelling because I think this is important.

All were going to buy is a soap dish: It goes without saying that were stopping at the cosmetics department, the shoe department, I need to look at few new pocketbooks, and, oh my god,theres a sale in lingerie, and wouldnt these pink sheets look great in the bedroom and did you bring your checkbook?

In answer to the question Whats wrong?

The same old thing.: Nothing.

Nothing.: Everything.

Everything: My PMS is acting up.

Nothing, really.: Its just that youre such an asshole..

I dont want to talk about it.: Go away, Im still building up steam.