Microsoft files trademark infringement lawsuit

REDMOND, WA (APR. 27) BUSINESS WIRE – Microsoft Corp. announced today that they have filed a trademark infringement lawsuit against Kimberly-Clark Paper Company. The lawsuit claims that Kimberly-Clark has knowingly violated trademark laws in their introduction of Windows TP line of paper products.

The lawsuit names four separate products from Kimberly-Clark: The Windows TP Quilted for home use and the discerning business, The Windows TP Non-Quilted quality bargain brand for general business and office use, The Windows TP Floppy Roughness for extended shelf life, and the Windows TP CD-ROM Recycled Waterproof Roughness for schools and backpackers.

Kimberly-Clark has acknowledged the lawsuit. In a written statement to the press, a spokesperson for Kimberly-Clark said, Our product and computer software are unrelated. While it may be said that both Microsofts product and ours have similar uses, we believe that they are sufficiently different that both can maintain the Windows TP name without infringement.

A Microsoft spokesperson said, Our Windows TP product was conceived in the exact same place where the Kimberly-Clark product will be used, and thus is in clear violation of trademark laws. Also, every restroom facility already has a Window in it, and more of these facilities are moving to computer automation.

We feel that our Windows TP operating system will be in millions of bathrooms within the next year, and there are enough brands of TP out on the market already without adding another which clearly violates Microsofts trademark.

REDMOND, WA (APR. 29) – Business Day

Mr. Gates has no intention of deifying himself a Microsoft spokesperson reassured an anxious delegation of meditators to-day. It is traditional for the development team of a Microsoft product to include their names and bitmaps in the product. These bitmaps are only made visible through the activation of a backdoor – an unusual combination of keystrokes.

In the case of TPW (the telepathic version of Windows) the beta waves generated by the meditation activated the word beta embedded in the version number contained in the code. This in turn triggered the release of the bitmap of Mr Gates, the spokesperson ended.

From the explanation given by the delegation it appears that the sudden appearance of the image of Mr Bill Gates led several of the less experienced meditators to believe that they had been made privy to the appearance of the next saviour of the world.

When asked if this problem would be corrected before the product was released, the Microsoft spokesperson said that it was not official policy to comment on unreleased products.

Originally from Dave Coble
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