Here are some actual exchanges between lawyers and witnesses in the court room. Perhaps they aint so bright after all.

• Now doctor, isnt it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesnt know about it until the next morning?

• The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?

• Were you present when your picture was taken?

• Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

  A: No.

  Q: Did you check for blood pressure?

  A: No.

  Q: Did you check for breathing?

  A: No.

  Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?

  A: No.

  Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

  A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

  Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?

  A: It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

• Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?

• Did he kill you?

• How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?

• You were there until the time you left, is that true?

• How many times have you committed suicide?

• Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?

  A: Yes.

  Q: And what were you doing at that time?

• Q: She had three children, right?

  A: Yes.

  Q: How many were boys?

  A: None.

  Q: Were there any girls?

• Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?

  A: Yes.

  Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?

• Q: Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didnt you?

  A: I went to Europe, Sir.

  Q: And you took your new wife?

• Q: How was your first marriage terminated?

  A: By death.

  Q: And by whos death was it terminated?

• Q: Can you describe the individual?

  A: He was about medium height and had a beard.

  Q: Was this a male, or a female?

• Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?

  A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

• Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?

  A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

• Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?

  A: Oral.

• Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

  A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m..

  Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?

  A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

• Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

  A: I have been since early childhood.