Witness Interviews Gone Bad

Here are some actual exchanges between lawyers and witnesses in the court room. Perhaps they aint so bright after all.

  • Now doctor, isnt it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesnt know about it until the next morning?

  • The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?

  • Were you present when your picture was taken?

  • Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

    A: No.

    Q: Did you check for blood pressure?

    A: No.

    Q: Did you check for breathing?

    A: No.

    Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?

    A: No.

    Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

    A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

    Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?

    A: It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

  • Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?

  • Did he kill you?

  • How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?

  • You were there until the time you left, is that true?

  • How many times have you committed suicide?

  • Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?

    A: Yes.

    Q: And what were you doing at that time?

  • Q: She had three children, right?

    A: Yes.

    Q: How many were boys?

    A: None.

    Q: Were there any girls?

  • Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?

    A: Yes.

    Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?

  • Q: Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didnt you?

    A: I went to Europe, Sir.

    Q: And you took your new wife?

  • Q: How was your first marriage terminated?

    A: By death.

    Q: And by whos death was it terminated?

  • Q: Can you describe the individual?

    A: He was about medium height and had a beard.

    Q: Was this a male, or a female?

  • Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?

    A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

  • Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?

    A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

  • Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?

    A: Oral.

  • Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

    A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m..

    Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?

    A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

  • Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

    A: I have been since early childhood.

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