Signs the Person Answering the Butterball Turkey Hotline is Nuts

As presented on the 11/26/96 broadcast of LATE SHOW with DAVID LETTERMAN

Starts out by asking, What are you wearing?
Keeps referring to product called Vicks Vap-O-Gravy
Recommends thawing the turkey in your pants
Wants you to look inside the turkey for contact lens he lost at the processing plant
When you ask, How often should I baste it? he says, Are we still talking about the turkey?
Tells you that when the timer pops up, you have ten seconds before the damn thing explodes
Insists you cook turkey at six degrees for 450 hours
Keeps interrupting to ask if youre planning to eat the bird or wear it as a hat
Claims to have sailed from New York to the Bahamas in a gravy boat
He tells you to go stuff yourself