Signs You Wont Be Receiving a Christmas Bonus This Year

As presented on the 12/11/96 broadcast of LATE SHOW with DAVID LETTERMAN

10. Co-workers refer to you as the ghost of unemployment future
9. The last time you saw your boss was when he testified against you at the embezzlement trial
8. On your door, you find a lovely wreath of pink slips
7. What you call my new office, everybody else calls the supply closet
6. Bosss Christmas card says, Dont let the door hit your ass on the way out
5. You keep getting memos reminding you that employees are required to wear pants
4. When your boss came over for Thanksgiving, he was crushed under avalanche of stolen office supplies
3. Whenever you ask for a raise, a guy shows up at your house and breaks your jaw
2. In your most recent performance evaluation, the word crap appeared 78 times
1. Youre the starting quarterback for the New York Jets