14
Nov
Signs Youve Eaten Too Much
As presented on the 11/29/96 broadcast of LATE SHOW with DAVID LETTERMAN
- You ate the turkey, the pop-up thermometer and the plastic net
- Last thing you remember is positioning your open mouth behind a dump truck full of yams
- All your silverware is worn down to tiny stumps
- While picking your teeth, you dislodge an angry construction worker
- Strangers keep addressing you as Mr. President
- This morning, the display on your bathroom scale read Good Lord!
- You now have an ass the size of Plymouth Rock
- People keep looking at you and saying, I thought the Macys Parade was over
- Your relatives cant go home because theyre stuck in your gravitational field.
- Youre sweatin gravy, my friend!